why motherhood is brushing off defeat, pulling up the boot straps, and being amazing.

I thought about writing you another dear mom letter. This letter was to the defeated mom, the mom that was worn, and sitting in a life that looks nothing like the life she had envisioned for motherhood. It was to you, the mom that just is simply tired of folding laundry or dealing with sassing children or whose heart is just a bit weary, tired or lost in the midst of motherhood.

It's easy to lose one's heart in motherhood.

It's easy to mumble words about not really caring or it doesn't matter or some day it will be different.

And then, then those days of allowing numb or defeat or sadness chip away at the actually very beautiful moments tucked within the normal days of motherhood. The moments like Hannah captured yesterday - the simple raw beauty of motherhood - moments of tender hugs, tucking hair behind the ears, and wiping away damp tears from a three year old's face. They're the moments of simple joy and just life lived.

Those moments are the moments that will tug at your heart one day.

You just need to see them again.

You just need to see you again. 

And you need to acknowledge that heart of yours. Don't keep telling yourself it doesn't matter. It does matter. It does matter if you're hurting right now or are feeling overwhelmed or are just simply tired or wish that someone would see all the awesomeness that you do every day. Now don't laugh or shake your head or dismiss all that you're doing. Don't tell me it's just what a mom days. Do you know what?

It is just what a mom does.

And it's awesome and amazing and one of those things that deserves a standing ovation.

I am not joking.

Motherhood is hard. I mean, really, really think about it. You nurture a person. Teach them about life. Love them when they tell you they hate you. Potty train them. Which, by the way makes my top five of least favorite things to do as a parent. If there was a dislike button for parenting moments I'll put that there. I might even put that at the top three, because seriously, it's no fun. You hold puke buckets, wipe sweaty brows, mop up spilled milk, vacuum out crumbs out of the back seat, deal with lost homework, you find apple cores stuffed behind dressers instead of being thrown away, there's the laundry that you forgot in the washing machine, and clothes in the dryer that need to be tumbled again because you left them in there so long that they got wrinkly.

All normal. And all amazing.

Motherhood is a great deal of brushing off the feeling of defeat. It's that constant refusal of letting the lies of defeat stick to who you are and what you do. This world can easily label and burden you and me and all the mothers of this world with a list of expectations, to-do's, and must do's that we start to think we're not measuring up. If you never did one pinterest project again you would still be an awesome mom. Here's a secret - I've only done one thing from pinterest. Ever. Even though I have boards upon boards with the label things to do and try.

And that pulling up of the boot straps? Well, every single time you count to ten for the tenth time behind the bathroom door before going back and dealing with the four year old (talk about a challenging age) you are pulling up those motherhood bootstraps. The act of pulling anything up requires effort. Work. Work is hard. Work takes strength.

You are full of strength.

Sometimes you forget. I know because I forget it in my own life. And then I fall back into those it doesn't really matter phrases. But, truth it, you matter. Not because you're an amazing mom who feels a bit defeated right now, but at the core, because you as a person, who happens to be a mother, truly matters.

Our hearts matter. Your heart matters.

So today, today I step back for a moment and I hold my extra hot caramel macchiato (because that it is what I always get at Starbucks) up to you and I cheer for you, your heart, your motherhood journey, and your journey. It's a journey with ups and downs and about faces and paths that you never thought you'd ever be on. It's not really where you're ending up, it's the living now that matters.

Live today knowing that today you're making a difference.

You are amazing.

Someone needed to remind you of it again. And today? Today it was me.

Onward brave mother.

You have life to live.

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the simple raw beauty of motherhood

He was sleeping.

He fell asleep in the middle of a pile of pillows on the family room floor while the afternoon light danced around him. That little body, that three year old gluten free body, decided enough was enough and the nap became inevitable.

And then, then the moment came, the cries of sadness, and that sweet little one woke up in a bit of sobbing terror.

Those little feet came hurrying up the stairs and his sweet voice cried for me.

Momma. Momma. Momma.

Nothing else in that moment really mattered. Not the dishes, not the fact that there was a mess on the table. Not that I had one hundred thirty-four emails in my urgent box. Not that I didn't have a plan for dinner. Not that my hair was messy. Not anything.

He, my boy, needed his mother.

And in that moment that was all that mattered.

That little head, which minutes before was resting on those pillows in the sun, burrowed into my shoulder and his body racked with sobs.

Did you have a bad dream, Samuel?

All it took was one little shake yes, and I knew. I knew not to ask any more questions, not to try to fix it, not to rush the moment. I knew to simply hold him. In my arms as that same afternoon sun danced upstairs around us.

A mother is a powerful thing.

Sometimes we look to the big things - the organized homes, the perfect schedules, the times of not messing up - and we overlook the power in the simplest moments where we give of self oblivious of space and time.

That's love.

It cannot be taught, really. It's just that deep pit of love that wells within and makes you oblivious to the list of urgents that is taped to the fridge. And those are the moments that when you and I reach the end of our days that we will remember and be utmost grateful for. We'll clang our sweet tea glasses with two ice cubes and we'll remember with sweet nostalgia the moments where we simply were able to be.

The moments that I think will matter won't be the large advertised moments.

They'll be the simple.

The hugs in the afternoon light.

The words I love you whispered in one's ear.

The being willing to let life and time move while you sit with the one you love.

Those motherhood moments are life gifts.

Find them.

Don't let them go.

We'll celebrate them someday.

I know that.

*****

These photos were taken by my photographer daughter, Hannah. Find her work here -> imhannahnicole She wrote about these pictures today calling them - sacred moments. I remember hearing the camera while I comforted Samuel, but was so focused on him that I didn't care that she was quietly taking pictures. These shots are ones that I am profoundly grateful for - they are pure love and care in the moment. ~Rachel

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what it would be to really live. embracing today.

A friend of mine died unexpectedly this weekend.

When I heard the news it shocked me. I kept thinking of all she was in the midst of - writing, being a mother, being too young. She was the person that I would have told you had years upon years upon years upon years to live.

How could it just be over like that?

It makes me think about life, about the shortness of our days, and how we really don't know the number that we're blessed to walk around on this earth alive. And it makes me ponder the importants and how one lives. Oh my goodness, it makes me look at my own heart posture and in some ways wants to make me grab myself by the shoulders and to give me a good wake up shake.

If I knew I had a year left to live how would I live? Six months? A month? A week?

A day?

Would I grumble about having to do the dishes? Or would I simply be grateful to do dishes and for the feel of the water on my hands and the sun glancing through the windows? Because now, now I grumble. All too often - about those simple every day things. And I shift around priorities making non importants urgent and uttering the in a minute too often to those I love.

I'd see mothering with eyes that no longer were jaded by the urgents created by the world. It would be this dose of perspective and reality that would make the word yes come more often than the word no.

I would want to read those extra books at night. Take the walks to the park and back. I'd want to listen more, to understand, and to learn. And I would want to make sure that I said I love you and that those words were understood.

It's easy to live thinking that we're invincible. Or at least it's easy to live forgetting the gift found in this day. And then we get reminders that snap us into the reality that right now, this moment, this day, this week, this hour - it's not to be lost.

But the reality of life can crush the perspective of the gift. When the finances overwhelm, the relationships don't turn out how we expected, and sometimes when motherhood just seems to bury us under to-do lists, laundry, and the never ending cry for mom.

Truth? I get exasperated at that constant mom cry so often.

I'll feel the frustration well in me and I'll snap back with short replies of just a second or can't you just wait or no one better say mom for the next five minutes and sometimes, most often it's just a little thing that they want. I lose that perspective of gratitude for the simple things when I allow the ordinary things to overwhelm.

Would I if I knew the finite number of my days?

Probably so, at times. Because I'm real. And I'm not going to sugar coat how challenging motherhood and life can be. It's ridiculous to think that there won't be off days or days when we want to pull our hair out or days when we've had it and we want to yell I quit even if it's just the dishes. But, and this is the perspective that I want my heart to stay, but I also know that despite the challenges there is a gift in realizing that life is a gift.

Fears about what to do tomorrow would be erased.

So often fear holds me, holds us, in spots where we're not really comfortable and yet we stay. We settle for it is as it is and lose sight of the beauty, adventure, and joy found in life. I wonder how many hours I've lost worrying whether I'm a good mother versus just being a mother. So much time spent wasted with measuring up or getting stuff done and so much time that could have just been spent learning, embracing today, and loving.

That perspective - how I wish I could keep it always - and how I wish it didn't take a tragedy, illness, or death to snap me back to seeing where my heart needs to rest.

So today, today I challenge you to step back, to take a deep breath, and to look at your journey and embrace the good and to live like your day was finite. Let go of the things that burden you - the ridiculous measuring up fallacies of this world - and instead love those that you love. Sit in the grass, watch the clouds, run with those kids, read the books, do the dishes thankful that you can stand behind a sink and can scrub away food that your family was blessed to eat, hug those you love, call those you care about, and give yourself grace to feel life and find joy.

Live today.

Embrace the little things.

That's it.

Off to tell those I love that I love them and to live thankful for the little things.

*****

This post is dedicated to Debbie Strayer - a beautiful writer, the author of the homeschool curriculum that our family uses, and most importantly, my friend. We've only met a couple of times, but have talked on the phone many, and I am grateful for the connection that we had and for the incredible encouragement she blessed me with. My thoughts and prayers go out to her entire family and the Geography Matters community.

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what to expect in Haiti

One week from today I will be boarding a plane and flying from Minneapolis to Miami to Haiti.

I have no idea what to expect.

Oh, I have images in my head of what I think Haiti will be like - a collection of pictures thrown together to make what I believe I think I'll see. They're a mixture of images burned in my mind from the earthquake that I scrolled through on cnn.com to the tender smiles and laughter of the children that I saw from when friends of mine visited last summer. They're a smorgasboard of pictures of poverty mixed with tropical beauty mixed with vibrant sun mixed with noise. But, honestly, they're all ideas of perhaps what I'll expect to see.

It's like the What to Expect When You're Expecting book, in a way. I remember scouring that book when I was pregnant the first time - reading about morning sickness, stretch marks, what it will feel like to feel that child move within you the first time, and labor - but until I went through a pregnancy and watched my body change - only then could I really tell you what the expected actually was.

A dear friend of mine challenged me to think about what I think I will experience in Haiti and to share it with you today. And then, then while I'm there the expecting aspect will become a reality aspect and I will see where the thoughts, images, and ideas matched and where I was totally off. I have a deep feeling that most of what I expect won't really be the reality.

There are little things I expect like knowing it will be hot. But how hot? I know it won't be Minnesota hot on the hottest day of summer where we all hunker inside and I think to myself rather foolishly that I wish it was winter. (Sigh. Note to self: even on the hottest day in the summer do not wish it was winter). I've tried to prep myself for the heat - with hats, headbands, sunscreen - but, truthfully, I'll have no idea of that heat until I find myself walking out of the airport in Port au Prince and my straightened hair quickly reverting to its naturally curly state.

But, this isn't all about the physical aspects, I guess. I suppose I could tell you that I expect the sun to be so brilliant that my eyes will want to be shaded. Or that in Port au Prince I will be stunned at how many people are around everywhere. That there will be noises that I've never heard and that all of my American ideas of normal will quickly be shattered. But, honestly, I am expecting a great deal to not only paint a new picture of Haiti for myself (and thus you all as I'll be writing about it) but also for my heart.

What will it be like to work/shadow a Haitian mother for days?

I complain about laundry here. And yet, while in Haiti, I'll get to work alongside a mother doing her daily chores - laundry, cooking, etc... - how quickly will be it be that my hands, who are used to simply dumping clothes in a machine, spinning the dial, moving them to the next machine, removing them and folding them - how soon will those hands of mine be worn? Have callouses? I expect to tire much quicker from the work. I expect that I will learn a new understanding for work. I expect that my ideas of mothering will change and yet, at the core, the loving of a child will stay the same.

I also expect that the paradigm in which I see this world will be forever shifted.

And that part? I have no idea what to expect.

So, in a week, as I board that plane, traveling to Haiti with Praying Pelican Missions, I know that even though I am being blessed to go help, to give back, to write about Haiti, and to share with you all about Haiti and ways that you, too, can help, that I will be the one who will be stepping onto a plane leaving Minnesota to not come back the same.

I expect my heart to be forever changed.

And that?

That's the one thing I'm absolutely sure of.

*******


From June 21 - June 27 I'll be in Torbeck, Haiti, working alongside Praying Pelican Missions. I'll be flying into Port au Prince, spending a night there, visiting an orphanage, and then the next day returning to the airport to document and observe missions teams arriving. Then I'll join them and will trek across the mountains to the fishing village of Torbeck. I do, by the way, expect to see banana trees, dusty roads, and vibrant colors on this stretch of the journey. And then, once I'm in Torbeck, which is part of the Port Salut district I'll be working with the missions teams on various tasks. Building, planting trees, playing sports with the kids in the afternoon, and for me, the part in which I'm most excited about - working alongside Haitian mothers.

I cannot imagine what I will be taught about life during those days.

Work. Family. Love. Perseverance. Endurance. Laughter. Joy.

Please take a minute to learn more about Haiti and Praying Pelican Missions. I've known Jim, the leader of my trip, for years. We attend the same church, his sweet daughter is around the same age as my Samuel, we've talked about Haiti and missions and social media for years after church standing in the entryway as our kids have raced around, and now, now to finally go and share with you what Praying Pelican Missions does every day in Haiti? Well, it is a beautiful reality and blessing. It is an honor to be given the opportunity to not only experience Haiti and to serve, but to be able to write, take pictures, and share it with you as well.

During the week that I am there I will be sharing with you about Haiti. If you haven't subscribed by email yet click subscribe by email so that you don't miss a day. You can also follow me on facebook -> finding joy blog or on twitter @finding_joy or on pinterest at or on instagram at finding_joy. Do me a favor and like and share this post as well - it brings awareness to the awesome things Praying Pelican is doing in Haiti.

Make sure to follow Praying Pelican Mission on their facebook page Praying Pelican Missions and on twitter at PrayingPelican To learn more about Haiti please read Haiti Short-Term Missions.

And, finally, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers over the next couple weeks - for health, for my family at home, for my heart, and for strength. The one thing I constantly hear from others when I tell them I'm going to Haiti is that I will never be the same. I want to let go of the fears and embrace the real. To find joy. To be a voice. To see differently. That's what I want and actually expect.

~Rachel

For the next three weeks, Friday Favorite Things will be suspended. For all of you that participate - thank you - I appreciate you linking. 
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five steps to finding quiet in a noisy world.

Yesterday I decided to drive the back way home from Target. I bypassed the interstate and turned down the side road and drove for several miles through the very green countryside. I turned off the radio, had the phone put away, and opened the window just a bit.

It was quiet.

Now, before you think this is going to be a rally cry against media let me reassure you - it's not. There is nothing wrong with media - facebook, twitter, pinterest, iphones, etc - in fact, they are a needed thing into today's digitally saturated world. In fact, truthfully,  I absolutely love them - they keep life connected, they provide me an outlet to write, and I've made great friends via them. This isn't a cry to turn it off. This is, instead, some simple strategies to maintain balance in a media rich world that often is rarely quiet.

These are just five simple steps to cultivating times of quiet in a noisy world.

1. Turn it off. Ha. First advice was to turn it off. But not permanently, just intentionally every once in a while. No Pandora, no phone calls, no alerts, no checking facebook, no twitter, no nothing. Just for a bit - turn it off. I used to seek out flights that have go-go wi-fi (which I still love), but now I actually enjoy flying when there is no option for the internet - where I am forced to read, to rest, and to be quiet. And Pandora? I can go through the entire day listening to music - which is great - but not quiet. So I've had to work to remove the earbuds and to simply just listen to the world around me.

2. Pare down. There is so much information. I was looking through my facebook stream and there were multiple news articles, business tips, inspirational quotes, ads, links to blogs with articles on sunscreen, links to blogs that were inspirational, just links, activities for the summer, and more. There were pictures, status updates, political arguments (yeah, too many of those in my stream), promos, coupons, quirky updates, and more. It's crazy busy. So adopt the less is more strategy with media as well. For instance, on my iphone I have only a couple photo apps - vsco, instagram, and afterlight - that's it. I know, and trust me I know, that there are many fabulous apps. I just don't have time, so I use these, and I try to use them well. I've adopted the less is more strategy with regards to apps, fb, etc... I need what I can manage.

3. Establish times of quiet. Just like turning off the media, it's a great idea to cultivate spaces within your day or at least within your week that are quiet. It can be a walk around the block. Getting up early and watching the sunrise. Taking a nap (yes, this counts). Baking cookies with the kids (not quiet, but free from the constant social chatter). Just make a point of establishing moments of quiet in your day. It's a great discipline to train your mind to see the little things in life, and sometimes the constant noise makes the little moments blur by and then they are missed.

4. Keep your perspective. Someone once told me that social media is like seeing the highlight reel of other people's lives. It's a collection of the best moments, the sweetest times, etc... Yes, I know there are those vents, but seriously, how often do you read them before you block that person? And so what's often left is this continuing loop of everything that is good (or sometimes a loop of really hard things and tragedies). Keep your perspective. You and I both know that life is so far from the highlight reel most of the time. It's full of messy moments, puke at 2am, relationship disasters, moms who are worn out and don't care about doing some project on pinterest, and all of that. Perspective helps. Keep it.

5. Accept that there will always be noise. That's the reality. Unless you decide to go off the grid or live in the north woods of Alaska or out on an island in the middle of the South Pacific. It's just noisy now. Constant, constant, constant noises. Accept it. Don't fight it. Somehow in the acknowledging of the noise we're then not being controlled by the noise. You can turn it off. There's the button on top of the iphone or the silence all or the pause on the radio. And you can keep it on. And they are both good. Yes, that's the bottom line. They're both good.

It's a balance - living in a digital world and still needing those simple quiet moments. It's possible. But, it's also intentional. Purposeful. And well worth it.

What are your best strategies for maintaining quiet in a very noisy digital world?

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